I wanted to connect more deeply with my inner authority, but not from a 'fake it til you make it' way, or where I had to try hard to bring it forward.
I wanted it to move forward from a place of truth.
As I moved past the crumbling brick wall facade, I was able to meet a representative of my inner authority - a wonder woman stance and presence, and as quickly as I could feel the falseness in the pretense and persona, she fell away to be replaced by a goddess energy.
Again falseness was holding her and the scene.
And what presents itself to me is a line of different versions of inner authority I have access to and could connect with and resource from, that have served me over the years.
I was curious, who was representing the True inner authority, what does THAT look like?
But instead I was able to meet face to face with each of these representatives. Watching as their role became complete, releasing them completely.
And as they fell away, there was one shady character who remained.
This character was here to destroy, to create conflict, all as a means to keep me safe - from myself, my true authority, my mission, my gifts, etc.
As I was held through this experience, we began to connect with this energy and it became clear there was an inner conflict present.
The one who wants to destroy to create.
The one who wants to do it right.
The one who has to do it all.
And as that conflict came to resolution, what was left was an open wound right in the center of my chest.
Filled with pain.
And as I went into the center of the wound, into the pain, I was transformed.
I experienced a deep stillness, the nothingness, the void.
This wound is here for me to be with.
And in and through it is softness, open-heartedness (even when it hurts), and the void.
I stayed there for some time, drifting deeper and deeper.
Just like from emptiness, new creation is formed - I was created new, there, in the void, in the wound.
With nothing to heal, nothing to do.
And now I can feel the depth of the truth and presence of the inner authority that is available to me now.
It's not hard, and strong, and a bad-ass warrior (although sometimes that part will come forward 😉).
It's soft, open, vulnerable, willing to experience the pain or discomfort to be with the truth.
It is all the way open.
Here and Now.